when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
