god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
