Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
