he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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