She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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