That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
