I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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