Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
