I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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