I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
