it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
