They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
