wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize