Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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