It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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