Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
