I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
