Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
