nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
