it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
