i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
should my penis look like a turkey
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need a burrito and a hug.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
