Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
We just shotgunned beers for America
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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