Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize