i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
