Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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