Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
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