So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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