you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
