Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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