so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
