Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
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