I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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