dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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