you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize