so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
this boner is exhausting
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
