The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
