atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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