operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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