Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
