She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
His nipple licking is glorious
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