Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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