i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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