You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just cropdusted the office
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
