So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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