You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
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