Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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