Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
