trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Someone shattered a urinal.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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