When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
