are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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