is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
