Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
