Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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