I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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