Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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