woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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