the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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