If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
