I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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