Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
