one two three fourrrrnication!
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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