I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
