Umm I'm too high to move.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
