This is not my ceiling
barbara walters just said penis...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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