I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
