If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
