Where is the hickey?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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